Online Dating Etiquette: Tips for Texting, Timing & Tone

Once the chat starts, avoid short, one-word replies. Keep things engaging and show genuine interest. If you’re unsure how to break the ice, these tips on starting a conversation on a dating app can help you kick things off smoothly.

Instead of:

• Them: “I love photography.”
• You: “Cool.”

Try:

• You: “That’s awesome! What kind of photography do you enjoy most?”

Also, pay attention to their texting style. If they keep it brief, match their pace. If they enjoy longer messages, feel free to do the same.

Texting lacks tone and body language, so phrasing matters. A joke can come across as rude if not worded carefully.

Instead of:

• “You don’t like coffee? That’s just wrong.”

Try:

• “I can’t believe you don’t like coffee! We might have to debate this one.”

This keeps the conversation playful without sounding critical.

There’s no strict rule, but messaging within a few hours of matching is a good approach. If you wait too long, they might move on.

You want to show interest without overwhelming them. A good rule of thumb is to match their response time. If they take a few hours to reply, don’t text back in seconds.

Also, avoid double texting. If they haven’t responded yet, don’t send follow-ups like:

• “Hey, did you get my text?”
• “You there?”

Let the conversation breathe. If they’re interested, they’ll respond when they can.

If someone stops responding, resist the urge to chase them. Ghosting is frustrating, but it’s better to move on than send multiple follow-ups.

If you’re no longer interested in someone, be upfront rather than disappear. A simple message like “I’ve enjoyed chatting, but I don’t think we’re a match. Wishing you the best,” is a respectful way to end the conversation.

Avoid sounding overly formal, as it can feel awkward.

Instead of:

• “Good evening. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Try:

• “Hey! It’s great to meet you. How’s your day going?”

Flirting adds fun to the conversation, but coming on too strong can be a turn-off.

Instead of:

• “You’re gorgeous. Let’s meet tonight.”

Try:

• “I love your sense of humor. I bet you’d be the best person to have on a trivia team.”

This keeps things lighthearted and engaging without making the other person uncomfortable.

Since texts lack tone of voice, sarcasm and jokes can sometimes be misread.

Instead of:

• “Oh great, another person who doesn’t like pineapple on pizza.”

Try:

• “Wait, you don’t like pineapple on pizza? I don’t know if I can trust you now… kidding, of course!”

This keeps the conversation playful and avoids any misunderstandings.

If a match stops responding, don’t take it personally. People lose interest for all sorts of reasons. Instead of dwelling on it, focus on new connections.

If you’re not feeling a spark, be honest but kind.

Example:

• “I think you’re great, but I don’t feel a romantic connection.”

It’s better to be upfront than to leave them wondering.

If someone tells you they’re not interested, the best response is simple and mature:

• “I appreciate the honesty! Wishing you the best.”

There’s no need to argue or try to change their mind. Just move on confidently.

Once the conversation is flowing well, you’ll probably start thinking about meeting up. But when’s the right time to suggest it?

After a few days of solid conversation, it’s usually clear if there’s mutual interest. If things are going well, casually suggest meeting up.

Instead of:

• “When are we going to meet?”

Try:

• “I’ve really enjoyed chatting. Want to grab coffee this weekend?”

This keeps it natural and low-pressure.

A casual first date—like grabbing coffee or taking a walk—keeps things relaxed. Avoid suggesting something too intense right away, like a fancy dinner or an all-day event. If you’re looking for inspiration, check out these first date ideas for adults for fun and low-pressure ways to meet in person.

If they seem hesitant, respect their comfort level and continue getting to know them through texting until they’re ready.